i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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