I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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