Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
