This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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