my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
