My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
