you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
