this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
