omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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