well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
