Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
