the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
