how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
