I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize