my vag is so smooth its legendary
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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