Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
