i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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