So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize