the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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