Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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