I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
