I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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