Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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