Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
