She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
