You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
