I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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