I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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