fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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