allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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