Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
