I just cut my nipple shaving
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
