I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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