Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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