i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
