If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
