Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
