anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
