I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
