I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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