I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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