Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
