So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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