i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
