You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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