If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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