I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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