First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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