I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
