so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
