I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
