I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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