I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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