You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
