my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
