Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
