I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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