Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
