I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
