The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
