Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
