One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
