reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
