Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
