I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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