Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
