I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
